*photo by Erin
Know (especially parents) the stages of life when they occur and what they entail. Be aware that a whole bunch of people never make it to the last stage. Being aware of the stages helps you to cope better. There are many developmental theories about life’s stages. The theory is you pass gradually from stage to stage. I try to keep it simple and prefer to use the following four stages:
Codependent
Codependant starts in the mother’s womb and lasts till about age two. It’s when the baby can’t exist, make it on it’s own. Note: some people fixate at the stage, codependant.
Counter-dependence
Counter-dependence starts in the high chair when the child looks right at the father as the child intentionally pushes the mashed potatoes off the edge of the tray onto the floor. It is a test of coming independence - “Will I cease to exist if I defy the rules?” Counter-dependence (sometimes referred to as the terrible twos) lasts until about five or six, when Independence begins. Don’t fight it. Let the child explore life within caring watchful parental guidance.
Independence
Believe it or not, the independent stage of life begins around six years through the independent adult. Note that as a parent, you have taught your child about 80% of what you have to teach them by this stage. So consider assuming the role of producer/advocate and let the directing happen when the child seeks your advice.
Intra-dependent
Some people never reach this stage. In fact some fixate in the first three stages. The intra-decent stage is when as independent adults, we learn to interact and respect others around us. It is the final stage. Congrats if you made it. Foster your child to achieve the inter-depend stage In life. Then, parents, sit back and enjoy the ride.
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